A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender looks at him and asks, "Why do you have a paper towel on your head?" Says the pirate, "AAAAARRRRRRRRR!! Me gots a bounty on me head!!!"
Ba Dump CCHH!
I love pirates.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Obama, Arthritis & a Cyst.....OH MY!
First of all, I thought this picture of Alyssa was hilarious. 
She got into the fudge pops one day after school.
She got into the fudge pops one day after school.
{GROAN} Obama. A friend of mine sent this to me. It's a Howard Stern clip. No, it's not dirty or inappropriate. It's perfectly clean...except for the morons being interviewed. Just watch it. You'll see what I'm talking about. I'm even more convinced now that people are sheep and even more stupid than I originally thought. That's a generalization, so don't take offense if you think I'm calling you those things. But if you ARE concerned that I might think that of you, reconsider your opinions and ideas. More than likely, I would've already told you that you're retarded. Just watch it.
Why can't anyone say anything about Obama's race? He isn't even completely black! He has a white mama! If you mention anything about it, or the fact that THAT'S the reason he's doing well in the polls, you're racist. But Sarah Palin's fair game? It's perfectly acceptable for anyone to question whether or not she'll be a good mom, but you can't say a damn thing about Obama? REALLY??!!!!! Can he still be a good dad with 2 little girls running around the White House? Oh yeah. I forgot about his smug wife. And what about Biden? Did anyone bother to question his ability to be a good father and still pursue his political aspirations in DC when his wife was killed in a car accident? OF COURSE NOT! Sarah Palin will be an excellent VP AAAAAAAAAAAND still be a better mother than a lot of women out there. I guess I'm racist for accusing Obama of getting the numbers he's got because of his race. Hey, if the shoe fits..........that's all I'm saying. Just for the record, I'm not racist. But I don't feel the need to defend my statements, either, because what I said is the truth.
Now that you've watched the clip and discovered what I already knew-and listened to my rant, I'll fill you in on my MRI. So the nurse at Dr. Howell's office called me yesterday to give me the results. Apparently I'm innocent in this one. It wasn't the result of my grace or coordination or balance in general. They found some arthritic tissue and a small cyst. They're not sure if the cyst will be removed or if it's causing any discomfort. I still have to go see an orthopedist. Now I'm convinced I have bone cancer, and my prognosis is rather grim. I've also made up a new specialty. I think I should see an orthopedic oncologist. Maybe it's a real specialty, I don't know. I'm waiting for Tricare to approve my referral so I can find out what I already believe.
Ok, so maybe it's not bone cancer. Maybe it's just a silly little cyst that can be easily removed. Maybe I'm just a bit over-dramatic. But now I have to hurry up and wait....again. I'll keep you posted.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
I Just Suck
I'm not the best at keeping up with things that aren't exactly a priority. Blogging does NOT fall into that category. I was going to use this as a way to keep Clem in the loop, but we talk everyday, sometimes twice a day. So this one might just be for the rest of you that are interested in the goings on in the Clemons household.
I've been to see my dr. twice in the last month for my left knee. Don't know what I did to it. He sent me for an x-ray the first time, but it only showed everything to be in perfect working order-no ligament or tendon damage. There was a little excess fluid in the joint, but not enough to drain. I went back about a week later because my knee would just stop working. For those of you who know me and my grace, imagine me carrying a huge basket of laundry and all of a sudden my knee stops working. It just wouldn't bend, not to mention the swelling and pain. I was scrambling, falling all over myself to keep from going head first into a wall and busting my forehead open. THAT'S what I need, right? So, my sweet Dr. Howell sent me for an MRI. I went yesterday morning, and it was longer that I had anticipated. It was open, so I was exposed from about my waist up. It was loud, and I was terrified I'd move and have to start the whole thing over again. I tried to breathe as little as possible. Anyone who's the least bit familiar with the inner workings of the human body knows that's a bad idea, especially when you're in the middle of an MRI. Needless to say, I got the yawns. And I was cold and my arms fell asleep. I stared at the ceiling for almost 45 minutes waiting for it to be done. I guess my biggest problem was boredom...and the moving business. It was finally over, and I got to get dressed again. It was weird. They let me keep my wedding ring on but made me take my bra off. ?????????? Neither of which would've been in the way. Whatever. It's done, and I should have the results next week sometime. According to Dr. Howell I might have some cartilage damage (hence the knee not working suddenly), and that will require surgery. SAY WHAT?! He tells me this at my second knee appointment. I was expecting something along the lines of "Well, let's do an MRI and go from there." But this is how the rest of that conversation went.
Dr. H: It sounds like you've got some torn cartilage that's getting in the way of the joint. Let's get an MRI done, and then we'll schedule your surgery.
Me: Surgery?! WHY?! I don't have time for surgery! I'm in school, I have 3 kids that are in school and my husband's gone...AGAIN. I don't have time for anything to slow me down! I'm supposed to start nursing school next fall. This is going to screw everything up!! I can't stray from my plan-even for my stupid knee!!
Dr. H: You don't have to have it. I'm just suggesting your best option. It could come back as something benign, but then you'll just have to suffer with it the rest of your life. (then he said something about arthritis)
Me: BENIGN?!! NOW I MIGHT HAVE CANCER?!!
Dr. H: {laughs} You don't have cancer. Benign just means something that I really can't do anything about.
Me: I know. But you can't throw words around that are usually associated with cancer without giving me a heads up first. I'm having a hard enough time dealing with the possibility of a simple surgery.
Dr. H: It will be orthoscopic, so, yes, it would be simple surgery. Calm down, it'll be ok. Let's get through the MRI first. One step at a time.
Me: Can I at least have some versed?
Dr. H: What, NOW? No, you have to drive home.
Me: Not now. Before the surgery. I LOVE versed. And demerol. I've only had versed once, and it made me think I was superman when they told me to roll onto the operating table.
Dr. H: {laughs again} I'll see what I can do. I'm not even sure yet if you'll need surgery. It just sounds like that's what's going on in your knee, so maybe you'll need it. Maybe you won't.
Me: I just want the drugs. I'd probably be a junkie if I didn't know better or didn't care enough. I'll agree to anything and do anything you tell me to as long as I get the good stuff.
Dr. H: {laughs yet again, he does that a lot when I see him} Just go get the MRI done. Then I can tell you exactly what's wrong, if anything. I'll put you on the list for the referral right now. You should be hearing from someone within the week. And keep icing it. And keep taking the celebrex. And TRY to stay off of it as much as possible. Don't mow your yard for a while.
Me: We'll see. I'm not making any promises. But I have to mow my yard. You don't understand. I HAVE to do these things. It bugs me if everything isn't just so. I have to have the lines in my carpet when I vacuum or I start all over again.
Dr. H: Don't mow your yard and vacuum ONLY when you must. Take the meds and get the MRI.
Me: I suppose, if I absolutely must.
Dr. H: You must.
Me: Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. blah blah blah...end of the conversation.
I don't think other people really understand everything I have going on right now. I know I'm not the only one, far from it. But I mowed my yard last Friday. I don't edge because the weed eater made me mad. So it sits in the garage. I know, I'm the WT of the neighborhood. That's right-no, I'm not!! I haven't told you about my neighbors across the street. She's the living example of why you don't chain smoke and incorporate alcoholism into your life. Blech. Gross.
All is well with school. My psych class this semester's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than the one last semester. I made an 82 on my test yesterday. Not the greatest, but not bad, either. There were some questions on there that didn't have the right answer anywhere to be found. Perhaps I'll get a bit of a curve. I made an 88 on the 1st test I took in there, so an 82's still pretty good. If I can manage at least a B, I'll be happy.
This whole school thing with my kids being in school all day's pretty awesome. I don't see how anyone can be sad when their kids start school. Veronica said she'd be one of those moms you see on the first day in tears because they have to say good bye. Me, I'm doing a happy dance all the way out to the car. I'll admit, the 1st day this year was a little weird for me. I've had at least one constant companion for 8 years, and suddenly I have 8 hours to myself. Before my classes started again, my house was never so clean. Now it's looking like it did right before my finals last semester. We live out of laundry baskets when I'm in school. I guess I should really be doing that instead of blabbering on here. That's a fan-freakin'-tastic idea. Then I can start MORE laundry.
On that note, I bid you adieu. Toodles, lovely people.
I've been to see my dr. twice in the last month for my left knee. Don't know what I did to it. He sent me for an x-ray the first time, but it only showed everything to be in perfect working order-no ligament or tendon damage. There was a little excess fluid in the joint, but not enough to drain. I went back about a week later because my knee would just stop working. For those of you who know me and my grace, imagine me carrying a huge basket of laundry and all of a sudden my knee stops working. It just wouldn't bend, not to mention the swelling and pain. I was scrambling, falling all over myself to keep from going head first into a wall and busting my forehead open. THAT'S what I need, right? So, my sweet Dr. Howell sent me for an MRI. I went yesterday morning, and it was longer that I had anticipated. It was open, so I was exposed from about my waist up. It was loud, and I was terrified I'd move and have to start the whole thing over again. I tried to breathe as little as possible. Anyone who's the least bit familiar with the inner workings of the human body knows that's a bad idea, especially when you're in the middle of an MRI. Needless to say, I got the yawns. And I was cold and my arms fell asleep. I stared at the ceiling for almost 45 minutes waiting for it to be done. I guess my biggest problem was boredom...and the moving business. It was finally over, and I got to get dressed again. It was weird. They let me keep my wedding ring on but made me take my bra off. ?????????? Neither of which would've been in the way. Whatever. It's done, and I should have the results next week sometime. According to Dr. Howell I might have some cartilage damage (hence the knee not working suddenly), and that will require surgery. SAY WHAT?! He tells me this at my second knee appointment. I was expecting something along the lines of "Well, let's do an MRI and go from there." But this is how the rest of that conversation went.
Dr. H: It sounds like you've got some torn cartilage that's getting in the way of the joint. Let's get an MRI done, and then we'll schedule your surgery.
Me: Surgery?! WHY?! I don't have time for surgery! I'm in school, I have 3 kids that are in school and my husband's gone...AGAIN. I don't have time for anything to slow me down! I'm supposed to start nursing school next fall. This is going to screw everything up!! I can't stray from my plan-even for my stupid knee!!
Dr. H: You don't have to have it. I'm just suggesting your best option. It could come back as something benign, but then you'll just have to suffer with it the rest of your life. (then he said something about arthritis)
Me: BENIGN?!! NOW I MIGHT HAVE CANCER?!!
Dr. H: {laughs} You don't have cancer. Benign just means something that I really can't do anything about.
Me: I know. But you can't throw words around that are usually associated with cancer without giving me a heads up first. I'm having a hard enough time dealing with the possibility of a simple surgery.
Dr. H: It will be orthoscopic, so, yes, it would be simple surgery. Calm down, it'll be ok. Let's get through the MRI first. One step at a time.
Me: Can I at least have some versed?
Dr. H: What, NOW? No, you have to drive home.
Me: Not now. Before the surgery. I LOVE versed. And demerol. I've only had versed once, and it made me think I was superman when they told me to roll onto the operating table.
Dr. H: {laughs again} I'll see what I can do. I'm not even sure yet if you'll need surgery. It just sounds like that's what's going on in your knee, so maybe you'll need it. Maybe you won't.
Me: I just want the drugs. I'd probably be a junkie if I didn't know better or didn't care enough. I'll agree to anything and do anything you tell me to as long as I get the good stuff.
Dr. H: {laughs yet again, he does that a lot when I see him} Just go get the MRI done. Then I can tell you exactly what's wrong, if anything. I'll put you on the list for the referral right now. You should be hearing from someone within the week. And keep icing it. And keep taking the celebrex. And TRY to stay off of it as much as possible. Don't mow your yard for a while.
Me: We'll see. I'm not making any promises. But I have to mow my yard. You don't understand. I HAVE to do these things. It bugs me if everything isn't just so. I have to have the lines in my carpet when I vacuum or I start all over again.
Dr. H: Don't mow your yard and vacuum ONLY when you must. Take the meds and get the MRI.
Me: I suppose, if I absolutely must.
Dr. H: You must.
Me: Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. blah blah blah...end of the conversation.
I don't think other people really understand everything I have going on right now. I know I'm not the only one, far from it. But I mowed my yard last Friday. I don't edge because the weed eater made me mad. So it sits in the garage. I know, I'm the WT of the neighborhood. That's right-no, I'm not!! I haven't told you about my neighbors across the street. She's the living example of why you don't chain smoke and incorporate alcoholism into your life. Blech. Gross.
All is well with school. My psych class this semester's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than the one last semester. I made an 82 on my test yesterday. Not the greatest, but not bad, either. There were some questions on there that didn't have the right answer anywhere to be found. Perhaps I'll get a bit of a curve. I made an 88 on the 1st test I took in there, so an 82's still pretty good. If I can manage at least a B, I'll be happy.
This whole school thing with my kids being in school all day's pretty awesome. I don't see how anyone can be sad when their kids start school. Veronica said she'd be one of those moms you see on the first day in tears because they have to say good bye. Me, I'm doing a happy dance all the way out to the car. I'll admit, the 1st day this year was a little weird for me. I've had at least one constant companion for 8 years, and suddenly I have 8 hours to myself. Before my classes started again, my house was never so clean. Now it's looking like it did right before my finals last semester. We live out of laundry baskets when I'm in school. I guess I should really be doing that instead of blabbering on here. That's a fan-freakin'-tastic idea. Then I can start MORE laundry.
On that note, I bid you adieu. Toodles, lovely people.
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